Discipline is a word that often triggers strong emotions. Many people hear it and immediately think of punishment, something used to hurt or shame a child when they misbehave.
For many families, discipline is still associated with corporal punishment or harsh words. But true discipline is not about hurting. It is about guiding. In schools and homes, discipline should help children learn to make better choices and understand themselves more deeply.
If we look at the origin of the word discipline, it comes from the word disciple, which means to teach, to guide or to instruct. This meaning aligns with the values taught within the International Baccalaureate programmes at Fairview International School, where learning extends far beyond academics.
Children in their “wonder years”, especially pre-teens, need this type of guidance the most. These are the years when they begin to shape their identity, develop habits and understand how to relate to others. Their experiences now can influence them long into the future, which is why positive guidance matters.
So how can we guide children without hurting them? A strong starting point is to raise children with kindness and empathy. This means paying attention to what they are going through rather than focusing only on behaviour, performance or outcomes.
Another meaningful approach is restorative discipline. Instead of relying on fear, exclusion or control, restorative discipline encourages a culture of belonging and connectedness. Children learn to make better choices because they feel valued. This approach is often seen in many IB schools in Malaysia, where character development and emotional awareness are part of everyday learning.
The next time your child makes a mistake, pause and consider a different response. Ask yourself:
“What is my child experiencing right now?”
“How can this become a learning opportunity?”
“How can my child restore their dignity within their community?”
A child who feels supported, understood and guided grows into a confident learner. With the right approach, their “wonder years” can be both joyful and disciplined in the healthiest and most meaningful way.
