For many years, school discipline has often focused on consequences. A student breaks a rule, receives a punishment, and the matter is considered settled.
But what if discipline could do more than punish?
What if it could help students understand what happened, recognise how their actions affected others, take responsibility, and learn how to handle similar situations differently next time?
This is where restorative discipline comes in.
Restorative discipline focuses on repairing harm and restoring relationships rather than simply punishing behaviour. It gives students an opportunity to reflect, take responsibility, and work towards making things right. The International Institute for Restorative Practices explains restorative questions and their use with young people
Meng’s Story
Meng was a student at an international school in Jakarta who often found himself in trouble.
One day, during a heated argument with a classmate, he became frustrated and threw a book across the classroom.
The teacher could have punished him immediately.
Instead, she decided to understand what had happened.
She spoke to Meng privately and gave him the opportunity to explain the situation from his perspective. As they talked, Meng shared that he had become frustrated after a misunderstanding with his friend.
The conversation did not excuse his behaviour.
Instead, it helped him understand it.
More importantly, it gave Meng an opportunity to think about what he could do to repair the harm and handle the situation differently in the future.
That is the heart of restorative discipline.
1. Start With Restorative Conversations
A restorative conversation gives the student a chance to reflect on what happened without immediately putting them on the defensive.
Teachers can ask questions such as:
- “What happened from your perspective?”
- “Who do you think has been affected by what happened?”
- “How do you feel about what happened?”
- “What can you do to make things right?”
- “What could you do differently next time?”
These questions move the conversation away from blame and towards responsibility.
The questions we avoid matter too.
Questions such as “Why did you do that?”, “What’s wrong with you?” or “Why can’t you behave like everyone else?” can make students defensive or ashamed.
The goal is not to make a student feel bad.
The goal is to help them understand the impact of their actions and decide what they can do next.
2. Build Community Through Restorative Circles
Restorative discipline should not only happen after something goes wrong.
It can also be used to build stronger relationships before problems occur.
One way to do this is through regular community-building circles.
Students sit together, share their experiences, listen to one another, and discuss issues affecting the group.
If a conflict occurs, the same approach can help students work through it together.
Questions might include:
- “How did each of you feel about what happened?”
- “Who has been affected by this?”
- “What needs to happen to make things right?”
- “How can we support each other moving forward?”
- “What can we do to prevent this from happening again?”
The emphasis is on listening and understanding.
Questions such as “Who started it?” or “What’s your problem?” can quickly turn a restorative conversation into a blame exercise.
That is not the purpose.
Students need to learn that conflict can be addressed without humiliation.
3. Use Restorative Conferences When More Support Is Needed
Some incidents require more than a conversation between a teacher and student.
For more serious situations, a restorative conference can bring together the students involved, their parents or guardians, teachers, and a trained facilitator.
Everyone has an opportunity to explain what happened and how they were affected.
In Meng’s case, this meant giving both students a chance to speak. Meng could hear directly how his actions had affected his classmate, while his classmate could explain what he needed to feel that the situation had been addressed.
Together, they could discuss what needed to happen next and agree on ways to prevent a similar incident from happening again.
This creates accountability without reducing discipline to punishment.
What Does Restorative Discipline Actually Teach?
The value of restorative discipline goes beyond resolving one incident.
It can help students develop several important skills.
Accountability
Students learn that their actions have consequences and that taking responsibility means doing something to repair the harm.
Empathy
Listening to another person’s experience helps students understand how their actions can affect others.
Communication
Students practise expressing themselves, listening carefully, and working through disagreements.
Problem-Solving
Instead of simply receiving a punishment, students are encouraged to think about how a situation can be resolved and what they can do differently next time.
Community
When students learn to resolve conflict respectfully, they can contribute to a classroom culture built on trust and mutual respect.
These are not simply behaviour-management skills.
They are life skills.
What Does the Research Say?
Restorative discipline is not simply a matter of being “soft” on behaviour.
The approach combines clear expectations with support, accountability and opportunities for students to repair harm. The International Institute for Restorative Practices describes this as a process that encourages people to reflect on what happened, understand who was affected, and consider what needs to happen to make things right.
There is also emerging evidence around restorative approaches in schools. A U.S. Department of Education What Works Clearinghouse review of a whole-school restorative-practices study involving 5,878 students found that the study met its evidence standards without reservations and reported at least one statistically significant positive finding. Read the What Works Clearinghouse study
However, restorative discipline should not be presented as a magic solution.
It works best when schools have clear expectations, staff training, consistent implementation and a culture that values relationships and accountability.
Practical Ways Teachers Can Use Restorative Practices
Restorative discipline does not need to be complicated.
It starts with the culture teachers create every day.
Create a Respectful Classroom
Set clear expectations for behaviour while making it clear that mistakes can become opportunities to learn.
Teachers can model the same respectful communication they expect from their students.
Build Regular Check-Ins
Short weekly check-ins can give students space to talk about concerns before they become bigger problems.
This can also help teachers understand what is happening beneath the surface.
Give Teachers the Right Support
Restorative practices work best when teachers understand how to use them.
Schools can provide professional development and ongoing support so staff have the confidence and skills to manage difficult situations constructively.
The International Institute for Restorative Practices provides practical resources covering restorative questions, community-building circles and implementation. Explore restorative practice resources for educators
Discipline Should Help Children Grow
The purpose of discipline should not simply be to make a student afraid of breaking a rule.
It should help them understand why their actions matter.
Meng’s story shows what can happen when a difficult incident becomes an opportunity for reflection.
He was not excused for throwing the book.
He was held accountable.
But instead of being defined by the incident, he was given the opportunity to understand it, repair the harm, and learn from it.
By the end of the school year, Meng had become a more constructive member of his classroom community. He had developed stronger relationships with his peers and teachers and learned healthier ways to respond to conflict.
That is the difference between punishment and learning.
At Fairview International School, we believe education should prepare children for life, not just exams. That means developing more than academic knowledge. Students also need confidence, empathy, communication skills and judgement to navigate real situations beyond the classroom. Fairview’s approach places values, well-being and student growth alongside academic learning.
Discipline is part of that learning.
No one has ever been punished into excellence.
Excellence is inspired, supported and developed.
And sometimes, the most important lesson begins after something has gone wrong.
References
International Institute for Restorative Practices. “Using the Restorative Questions with Youth: A Guide.”
International Institute for Restorative Practices. “Restoring Community and Trust.”
U.S. Department of Education, Institute of Education Sciences, What Works Clearinghouse. “Evaluation of the Whole School Restorative Practices Project: One-Year Implementation and Impact on Discipline Incidents.”
About Dr. Vincent Chian
Dr. Vincent Chian is a senior education leader at Fairview International School and University College Fairview. His work focuses on educational leadership, lifelong learning and developing learning environments that prepare students for life beyond examinations.
