The playground was a battlefield of emotions. Eight-year-old Maya stood on the sidelines, tears welling up in her eyes. Another child had just snatched her favorite jump rope, calling her “slow” and “clumsy.” Maya’s mom, watching from a nearby bench, felt her heart ache. She wanted to rush in and rescue her daughter, but she also knew Maya needed to learn to navigate these situations herself. But how? What could she say or do to help Maya build the inner strength to handle these challenges, not just today, but for the rest of her life?
“Words are singularly the most powerful force available to humanity. We can choose to use this force constructively with words of encouragement, or destructively using words of despair. Words have energy and power with the ability to help, to heal, to hinder, to hurt, to harm, to humiliate and to humble.” – Yehuda Berg
This isn’t just about “being nice.” It’s about building character – the inner compass that guides our choices, shapes our relationships, and determines our resilience in the face of adversity. And according to Dr. Robyn Silverman, a leading child development expert, the key to building character lies in the words we use – both the words we say to our children and the words we teach them to say to themselves. This article will explore Dr. Silverman’s “Powerful Words” character development system, offering practical strategies for parents and educators to build confidence, resilience, and positive self-esteem in kids. Additionally, we will look at how concepts of character development align with the IB program in Malaysia, an educational system known for fostering intellectual growth and ethical responsibility in students.
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The Key Idea: Words are Tools for Building Character
We often think of character as something innate – you’re either born with it or you’re not. But Dr. Silverman argues that character is learned. It’s a set of skills, attitudes, and values that can be cultivated through intentional practice. And the most powerful tool for cultivating character? Words.
The “Powerful Words” system isn’t about empty praise or fluffy affirmations. It’s about using specific, targeted language to help children:
Identify and understand key character traits: Respect, responsibility, empathy, perseverance, courage, etc.
Develop a positive self-image: Believing in their own abilities and potential.
Build resilience: Bouncing back from setbacks and challenges.
Navigate social situations: Communicating effectively, resolving conflicts, and building healthy relationships.
Make ethical choices: Understanding the difference between right and wrong and acting with integrity.
Insight 1: Defining the “Powerful Words” (More Than Just Vocabulary)
The “Powerful Words” system typically focuses on a specific character trait each month (though this can be adapted). This isn’t just about memorizing a definition; it’s about exploring the meaning of the word in a deep and meaningful way.
For example, let’s say the “Powerful Word” for the month is “Respect.”
The Old Way: “Respect means being nice to people.” (Vague and superficial)
The Powerful Words Way:
Discussion: “What does respect look like? What does it sound like? How does it feel to be respected? How does it feel to show respect to others?”
Examples: “Respect is listening to someone without interrupting. It’s treating others the way you want to be treated. It’s disagreeing with someone without being disrespectful.”
Activities: Role-playing scenarios, reading books about respect, discussing real-life examples of respectful (and disrespectful) behavior.
Self-Reflection: “How can I show more respect to my family, my friends, my teachers?”
Maya’s mom started using “Powerful Words” at home. They talked about “responsibility” – taking care of her belongings, doing her homework, helping with chores. They talked about “perseverance” – not giving up when things get hard. Slowly, Maya started to internalize these concepts, not just as words, but as values to live by.
Many international schools adopt this character-building approach, helping students develop essential life skills beyond academics. Some of the best institutions focus on instilling these values, making them stand out among the best private schools in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia’s capital. Schools that prioritize character education often see students excelling not only academically but also in personal growth, helping students develop essential life skills beyond academics.
🔥 Statistic: Studies show that children who participate in character education programs demonstrate improved social skills, reduced behavioral problems, and increased academic achievement (Berkowitz & Bier, 2005).
Practical Takeaway:
✅ Choose a “Powerful Word” to focus on each week or month.
✅ Explore the meaning of the word through discussions, examples, activities, and Self-reflection.
✅ Connect the “Powerful Word” to real-life situations and experiences.
Insight 2: The Power of Positive Self-Talk (Building Inner Confidence)
The words we say to ourselves are just as important as the words we say to others. Dr. Silverman emphasizes the importance of teaching children to develop positive self-talk – replacing negative, self-defeating thoughts with positive, empowering ones.
When Maya was called “clumsy” on the playground, her initial reaction was to believe it. But her mom had been teaching her to use “Powerful Words” to challenge those negative thoughts.
Negative Self-Talk: “I’m so clumsy. I’ll never be good at anything.”
Powerful Words Self-Talk: “I may have tripped, but that doesn’t mean I’m clumsy. I’m still learning. I can practice and get better. I am capable. I am strong.”
This shift in self-talk didn’t happen overnight. It took practice and repetition. But slowly, Maya started to develop a stronger sense of self-worth, independent of what others said or did.
🎯 Statistic: Research shows that positive self-talk is strongly correlated with increased self-esteem, improved mental health, and greater resilience (Harter, 1999).
Practical Takeaway:
✅Help children identify their negative self-talk patterns.
✅Teach them to challenge those negative thoughts with positive, realistic affirmations.
✅Model positive self-talk in your own life.
Insight 3: “I Can” vs. “I Can’t” (Fostering a Growth Mindset)
Dr. Silverman’s work aligns closely with the concept of a “growth mindset” – the belief that abilities and intelligence can be developed through effort and learning. This is in contrast to a “fixed mindset,” which assumes that abilities are innate and unchangeable.
The language we use can either reinforce a fixed mindset or cultivate a growth mindset.
Fixed Mindset Language: “I’m not good at math.” “I’m just not a creative person.” “I can’t do this.”
Growth Mindset Language (Powerful Words): “I’m still learning math.” “I can develop my creativity.” “I can’t do this yet.” “I am capable of improving.”
In many top schools in Malaysia, teachers incorporate growth mindset principles into their teaching methodologies. The IB program integrates similar philosophies, emphasizing adaptability and critical thinking as core values in education.
💡 Statistic: Studies by Carol Dweck and others have consistently shown that students with a growth mindset achieve higher levels of academic success, are more resilient in the face of challenges, and have a greater love of learning (Dweck, 2006).
Practical Takeaway:
✅Avoid using fixed mindset language (“I can’t,” “I’m not good at”).
✅Use growth mindset language (“I’m still learning,” “I can improve”).
✅Praise effort and persistence, not just innate ability.
✅Teach children about the brain’s plasticity – its ability to grow and change.
The Transformation
Weeks later, Maya was back on the playground. This time, when another child tried to take her jump rope, she didn’t cry. She stood tall, looked the child in the eye, and said, “I’m using this jump rope right now. You can have a turn when I’m finished.” The other child, surprised by Maya’s confident response, backed down. Maya’s mom, watching from afar, smiled. The “Powerful Words” weren’t just words; they were a foundation for building character, confidence, and resilience.
The “Powerful Words” system is more than just a vocabulary lesson. It’s a powerful tool for shaping children’s self-perception, their interactions with others, and their ability to navigate the challenges of life. It’s about empowering them to become the best versions of themselves, not by telling them they’re already perfect, but by teaching them that they are capable of growth, learning, and positive change.
The greatest good you can do for another is not just to share your riches but to reveal to him his own.” – Benjamin Disraeli
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References
- Berkowitz, M. W., & Bier, M. C. (2005). What works in character education: A research-driven guide for educators. Character Education Partnership.
- Dweck, C. S. (2006). Mindset: The new psychology of success. Random House.
- Harter, S. (1999). The construction of the self: A developmental perspective. Guilford Press.
- Silverman, R. (n.d.). Powerful Words Character Development. Retrieved from
